Jokes and funny stories

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Re: Jokes and funny stories

Post by kelimar on Sat Apr 30, 2016 12:47 pm

A physicist, a chemist, and a statistician walk into an office to discover the trash can is on fire.
The physicist announces "We must put the garbage can in the fridge so that the temperature will be below the ignition temperature and therefore put itself out!"
The chemist replies "No, we must cover the garbage can so that the fire consumes all of the oxygen and, in the absence of reactants, can no longer continue!"
Meanwhile, the two turn around to find that the statistician is running around the room setting everything else on fire. "What the hell are you doing??"
"Getting a proper sample size!"
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Re: Jokes and funny stories

Post by Rbjustme on Sun May 15, 2016 9:34 pm

Jesus Christ.... Laughing ....That has to be an Irish Joke??? Lol

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Re: Jokes and funny stories

Post by Peacekeeper on Wed Jun 01, 2016 5:21 pm

They all must work in the Public Service I reckon rofl
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Re: Jokes and funny stories

Post by Rbjustme on Thu Jun 02, 2016 5:11 pm

You should have left the "L" out of public I reckon! Shock

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Re: Jokes and funny stories

Post by Rbjustme on Thu Jun 23, 2016 5:43 pm

This is unbelievable, articles written by so called " trained journalist" : Proofreading  is a dying art, wouldn't you say?  Very Happy

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter

This  one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three  readings before the editor realised that what he was reading  was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day.  

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says  
Really? Ya think?  

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers  
Now that's taking things a bit far!  

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over  
What a guy!  

Miners Refuse to Work after Death  
No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!  

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant  
See if that works any better than a fair trial!  

War Dims Hope for Peace  
I can see where it might have that effect!  

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last  Awhile  
Ya think?!  

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures  
Who would have thought!  

Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide  
They may be on to something!  

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges  
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?  

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces  Battery Charge  
He probably IS the battery charge!  

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test  Group  
Weren't they fat enough?!  

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That's what he gets for eating those beans!  

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks  
Do they taste like chicken?

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half  
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!  

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors  
Boy, are they tall!  

And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead  

Did I read that right?   Shock

Source: Peacekeeper

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Re: Jokes and funny stories

Post by Bullant on Sat Jun 25, 2016 2:38 pm

Doesn't say much for our education system does it!! Shock
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Re: Jokes and funny stories

Post by kelimar on Sat Jun 25, 2016 6:27 pm


A tough old cowboy from Texas one day told his granddaughter that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on her oatmeal every morning.

The granddaughter did this religiously until the age of 103, when she died.

She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren, 25 great-great-grandchildren, and a 40-foot hole where the crematorium used to be.


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Re: Jokes and funny stories

Post by Rbjustme on Sun Jun 26, 2016 7:18 pm

Ha, ha, Love it KM..... You could say that a lot built up in her in those 103 years until she exploded!! Lol Revenge!

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Re: Jokes and funny stories

Post by Bullant on Tue Jun 28, 2016 1:10 pm

Good one KM. Applause
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Re: Jokes and funny stories

Post by kelimar on Fri Sep 16, 2016 2:55 pm

A man walks into a restaurant with an ostrich. "Hamburger and Coke." he says. "Same please," says the ostrich. The waitress returns with the order. "That's $19.40 please". The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact amount
.
Next day, they return and the man says "steak and salad". The ostrich says "same please". The order comes to $42.60. Again the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the right money. This becomes routine, until one day, the waitress asks "How do you always have exact change?"

"Well", says the man, "years ago, I found a lamp. When I rubbed it, a genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was whenever I had to pay for anything, I would put my hand in my pocket, and the right money would always be there". "That's brilliant" says the waitress. "But what's with the ostrich?" The man sighs, and says "My second wish was for a tall bird with long legs, who agrees with everything I say."
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